I smell stomach acid.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
