I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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