he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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