I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize