To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
