I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize