We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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