you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
