Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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