I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
