so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
