I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
