Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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