Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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