Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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