I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
