Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
