I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
