That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I will pee on everything he values.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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