??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
