Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
