sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
