i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
