Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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