there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
