Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
im six kinds of drunk right now
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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