Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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