I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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