i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
