Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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