I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
