So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
