I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
