he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
