I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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