i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
