he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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