I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
