god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
