Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
