There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
