Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
