I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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