I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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