is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
