I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize