Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
worst night to have a conscience
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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