my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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