I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
