you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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