I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
