you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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