Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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