he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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