anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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