These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
