Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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