Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
