He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
