Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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