so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
