I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize