I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
