Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
